"So fucking lonely. I remember going to bed crying last night, barely. Longing for intimacy not present in my life atm. Physical and personal, but mostly physical. Being able to cuddle someone. Sit on their lap. I wonder a lot if I've been spoiled by being in long term relationships for so long, or if this constant craving for affection is standard humanity. I wonder if I look like I'm writing poetry. 'Girl looking contemplative sitting on the stairs writing in a notebook'.. I need bandaids. I'd better go. I'm so g0ddamned LONELY."
"At this point, I'm just killing time between slots. Or until the 1st one's over, whatever. I'm really irritated that there's absolutely nothing going on in the best areas of the convention center. The Larps are going on in one huge square room each. How suck is that? Very suck.
It was sort of annoying being tied to the Cuckoo and his woman during GenCon, but I'm understanding the pros of it better now. I'm still undecided about which is better for me. Not having time to do what I want because of others, or having more time than I know what to do with with no one. Although to be fair, if I'd worn sneakers this morning instead of sandals, I'd be fine. But I have to wait to get the room key, to change them."
At some point during the afternoon Hanging Out With People Playing Games, my secret was revealed. Grey nailpolish critical malfunction. Someone asked for my phone number, I gave him my email instead.. and the whole time, all I could think was "You're nice, but my brain could run circles around yours." A joyless thought.
"I don't feel comfortable with people walking up and down the stairs."
It was so hard not to make a run for the border Satrday night. Last slot, containing only an LC interactive which I couldn't participate in (no converted chars, no badge) and a Larp I didn't want to hang around. Empty time. The Cuckoo really brought the dregs this con. I'm so glad I got out of rooming with them, I probably would have gone off on someone.
Somehow, I ended up in the Interactive anyway. It was nice, it almost felt like gaming.