the Ether Bunny (ninjalicious) wrote,
the Ether Bunny
ninjalicious

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the Philadelphia Flower Show, a traitorous whore

I've been meaning to get to the annual flower show for almost as many years as I've been in Philly. Each year I remember it's going on about opening day when the local morning news starts mentioning it, plan to go, possibly tomorrow, maybe on the weekend, and then hey, it's March 23rd and what were we talking about again? FUCK, I MISSED THE FLOWER SHOW AGAIN.

Looking at the show's website raises some important questions, such as why the fuck did I want to go to the flower show? In my defense, everything I remember from the news blurbs shows stuff like this, minus that pointless, interfering, god-awful, possibly mother-raping hand. Like, you know, it's full of flowers. Landscapey, growing flowers. (Also, if there was a wiki for it, which I suppose there is, maybe it would deceptively say things like "garden displays with elaborate landscaping".)

This year, packed up with cameras with extra batteries and one of us dressed like an easter egg, Siamang and I finally made it. I virtually bounded down the street as we approached the convention center, virtually bounded through the doors towards the ticket booth, and virtually bounded up the escalator to the second floor, the one containing our flowers. Somewhere in there, I virtually bounded into the bathroom because on the way to the flower show is an excellent time for surprise periods. The first thing we were met with upon entrance, was a field of half-dead sunflowers.

There were lots of other wilted flowers, too. Siamang remarked on it probably being inherent to indoor floral growth, while I insisted no no no, I've seen what they can do, I know it can be done.. partially wondering if it really was so late in the show that droopy displays are just accepted, partially beating back the numerical issues that should put the lie to that. We continued in.

The first collection of displays, other than the room-dominating monstrosity that could've been a room-dominating masterpiece but for two giant bits of fake stone, were... table settings? Table settings. With lots of flowers. Great. While I'll admit some affinity for stuff like this and that, by the time we'd even made it to here I'd had my fill of artfully arranged table settings, regardless of whether they were one of the maybe five that were essentially made of flowers or simply bouquet-laden. It didn't help that most of them were crap like this. We rushed to the next portion, by this point presuming defeat but pressing on just to make sure. What we (progressively faster) passed was progressively crappier, like the kissy frogs, like the "Floratopia Tree", oh and hey there was a fake motherfucking wine cellar in the middle of it all. Let's go in there! I persisted hopefully.. dreaming that a dimly lit tunnel in a flower show would house something like darkness-particular flowers. On some level it was almost a relief that it wasn't tarted up with glued-on flora like most everything else was, but I'd love to know who the fuckwit who decided walking through a tunnel with painfully fake casks on one side and painfully empty wine bottles on the other would make a decent display for a horticultural endeavor. Sometimes I think it's a wonder we made it out of the show un-punched.

There was an artist's gallery room which I assume has some tie-in to the tables and chairs theme, and despite a personal weakness for embedded bunnies, this dude could lose a freaking art contest to the wizzer of light and a perspective contest to a 7th grade art student. "I don't mean to sound rude, but some of these are painful to look at," and he was serious enough in both counts. It was no surprise when the next time we found ourselves in a hallway full of frames it took us half the length of it to pay them enough mind to realize we'd almost walked right past what turned out to be our favorite exhibit there, not just by some vaguely uncrappy default, but because we were all the fuck over it.

The pressed plant material art. I took so many pictures there but there's so much detail loss they convey next to nothing. Some were half-assed and uh, student looking but the ones that nailed it dwarfed the relevancy of the weak links. Filled with so much detail and so much pretty and have you seen this one and have you seen that one and did you see the praying mantis? fuck the mantis, the bee takes it!! Tiptoeing in and around people just to get 6 inches closer to here or there.. a little more, a little more, until my eyes were practically pressed up against the glass of individual frames. Then I flip back to the Nikon folder and the best any of it looks is semi-similar. It's tempting to run out and upgrade my digital camera today, just to return to that wall with double the megapixels.

It really is.
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