The news reports on this guy are simply brilliant.
"Wanted for a spree of bizarre behavior, including dumping trash around his neighborhood." Does this mean I can call the feds on .. um.. everyone in my neighborhood?
"The standoff concluded when it was discovered he wasn't home." A group of heavily armed men surrounding an empty house is not a standoff, not even if they really, really, really hope he's inside.
The faux-bomb from the airport is repeatedly being referred to as a "bomb-like device". In the extent that a box full of wires is a device, yes. Ok, maybe it is a device a little bit. But they keep insinuating there's something to it like something could happen. It's a box. It contains a letter. It performs no nefarious function, other than delivering said letter. Alright, it doesn't actually deliver the letter, either. I'm giving up on this one before I semanticize myself into the ground.
So in other words, what newscasters on every channel are saying is, "There is nothing going on in Philadelphia. We'd really like to have something exciting to get people huddling around their TVs wondering if tomorrow will ever come, but no, there's just this guy dropping trash around town. Be afraid! If not afraid, could you manage 'really creeped out'?"
I'm sorry, city-wide newscasters, I cannot.
And um.. no fucking way I'm pasting that giant, ugly-ass, poorly formatted html into my journal. But I'll link it, fo sho.