the Ether Bunny (ninjalicious) wrote,
the Ether Bunny

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"Having vinegar is just like having a maid."

How do I open a post like this smoothly? How do I slide right in? The lack of a respectable segue has left these events in postponement for too long, so I'll just dive into it.

A few weeks ago, when I went to my mom's place to do laundry, there was a small bundle wrapped loosely in thin, decorative paper. A post-it note on top, saying that she'd found these clothes in the house and perhaps I'd want to take them with me. Inside, were 3 teddy-type negligees. One I recognized as something I'd owned and worn maybe.. 12 years ago. Before or just after I moved out. The other two were completely alien to me. I stared at them, baffled, unsure if I should take them with me, leave them there, how to respond, and all the rest. The note came off sketchy but easily interpreted as my mom's standard passive-aggression towards my naughty lifestyle. (I learned all too late that parents are not your friends, and should never be treated as if they were, no matter how much you may want them to be part of your life.) I was kind of antsy, though, about stating the truth.. that I'd never seen two of them in my life. I thought if she "found" them, then perhaps they were something her (ex)husband had in secret, and she'd assumed they were mine. I didn't want to catalyst any further sucky feelings about her (ex)marriage.

Finally, I sketched out a note on a napkin firmly asserting my lack of all ties to the two of them, and my lack of any desire for my own old one. I asked her where she found them, stated confusion, etc.

The next I came over, she filled in all the holes. The two mystery teddies were hers. She didn't think she'll want them/have use for them any more. This much I can understand. My mom is a frugal, conservation-minded woman. (The kind of person who cuts up dryer sheets, because using a whole sheet is just so wasteful.) I agreed to take them, probably for the same reasons she takes all the crap her mom offers her, even when she's just going to throw it out.. just to be helpful and non-abrasive. To make her feel her offerings are appreciated. I'd already agreed to take them home and give them a chance when she drops the mom-bomb on me: She'd bought the white one specifically for her wedding night. (The recent, 2nd husband, not my dad..) HER WEDDING LINGERIE. She wanted me to wear it, to get some use out of it. Jebus Christ, mom. I can't wrap my mind around her thinking I'd want to wear her wedding-night clothes. I know, to her, they're just clothes. Nothing inherently special about them, fabric like any other fabric. I repeat, Jebus Christ, mom.

A few days ago she gave me a garter that goes with one of the teddies. Apparantly it had fallen out of the papered bundle. There better not be anything else left over, because I don't want to get another little package in a few months. I work hard to forget this stuff.

*Note to people reading this who know my brother: Please do not relay this to him. He doesn't want to hear it. It's things like this that make him cringe and cover his ears when I say, "Guess what mom said?"

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