March 20th, 2005

smRT

(no subject)

It's so hard not to fall into the same patterns. Playing house. He's in the next room and it's all I can do not to walk over and ask for clothing advice. "Oh and hey can I wear your sweater?" Christ.

I guess it wouldn't be quite this weird if we weren't going out together tonight. I bought tickets for this months ago in secret, after sitting on the catalogue for over a year before tickets went on sale. So we're not talking to each other at all but we're going to this together, after much hemming and hedging and "You go", "No, you go"ing.

A week or maybe it was just a few days after the big explosion after we moved in, we went to a John Wesley Harding concert that he'd bought tickets for in secret. We were largely silent towards each other with an awkward divide and periods of leaky crying. I expect tonight to be similar. I have a terrifically hard time with periods of x in the middle of y. I'm afraid of my own stupidity. Or maybe I'm afraid because I know there's part of me already giving my own stupidity the conspiratory nod.




There are 2 pizzas on top of the stove. One is covered in mushrooms and half-eaten. One has no mushrooms and is untouched.
  • Current Music
    such a silent house