March 6th, 2003

Devil May Cry

"How long does it take to read the back of a movie box?"

"Seven days.

It takes.. seven.. days."

I feel sick to my stomach in a weird sort of way that I'm fairly sure has nothing to do with Denny's. Not like vomiting my lungs or anything. Just.. unwell. Twisted.

When I came home tonight I saw one of the toll people I hadn't seen in a while. The same one that gave me attitude and stall for not turning my radio down on the way through a while back. (Something I normally do, on rare occasions I don't bother.) The only one who never responds when I cheerily say "Thank you!" He gives me this inordinate stall again today. Just standing there, looking straight at me, not doing some other task, not sticking his hand out the booth window to take my $ for a solid 5 second count. And ya know, in the wide world of toll collecting, that's a long damn time. Most of the time the hand extends just as you stop, or if you're slow, when you get the window down. I just sat there with my hand extended towards him. And he just waited. In those brief seconds that feel like they trail off into space at times like this, I half expected when I pulled away he'd signal one of the cop cars that waits at the end of the tollbooth row to deal with troublemakers and unpaid tolls. I didn't think he would, but I thought with certainty that I wouldn't have been surprised. Not that I'd done anything wrong, of course. Just that look, that exchange, the return.

An uncomfortable conversation tonight about how much a mutual friend has changed. I've felt this before, even had versions of this conversations before. Something that was repeated to me really struck me though.. "If I didn't know her as long as I have, if I met her more recently, I wouldn't have become friends with her." It hurts to hear, because I feel it too. She was so sharp in the years we became friends. Now, talking to her is reminiscent of talking to that alzheimer's-ridden grandparent who always calls you by another sibling's name.

It's raining now. I'm practically praying it's not gonna continue into the morning. Well, the waking up part of the morning, not the going to bed part of the morning. I can barely maintain consciousness on these overly-overcast mornings we've been having, despite "needing" to get out of bed. This morning, for example, I finally forced myself out of bed at 10, and even then it was a struggle. I need more lights to compensate for these grey days.

I hate when I replay and remember a line from a movie in my head, but it simply doesn't translate well between quotes.

This song needs to stop getting played on the radio. Soon.
  • Current Music
    they got so many problems, think I could solve them

(no subject)

Sleep... or Man Bites Dog?

I'd like to be able to watch it without that voice in the back of my head whispering, "'s fake, it's fake, it's fake.."
  • Current Music
    on me, on the neighbors, on her."