September 21st, 2002

I said Boooooeggs.

I just got some Halloween cards out of the bags I left them in from this past week. Put them into a drawer with Easter cards from this spring.

Somewhere, there is a box with skull candles and little votive holders with black cats and pumpkins on the side. Scary streamers, little spider trinkets. A tree of baren branches to hang little monsters on strings on. Ghosts and skeletons. Also, a box of Nightmare Before Christmas party stuff. Paper plates, hats, those noise things with an unfurling paper. Halloween magic. Potent stuff.

I keep arguing this "whether or not I was feeling hermitty" thing with Sensitive Artist. It keeps ending with me saying Fuck you if you don't believe me. And of course, I keep telling myself I'm not gonna argue it anymore. (Yay me.) Granted, it hasn't been that frequent, but I got a long response to my email this morning, and I feel simply enraged about so much. Maybe he thinks if he keeps pressing it I'll at least elaborate on "personal reasons". Maybe not, maybe he simply thinks it's a ruse. I should add, this is the only person I have ever in my life hit out of anger. Many, many years ago, and now that you mention it I probably shouldn't have mentioned it, but as the saying goes.. ""
  • Current Music
    Bif Naked - Daddy's Gettin' Married

were it not that I have bad dreams

My sleep is shifting again. I wake up during the night, usually for no reason. I become exhausted and sometimes sleep during the day. And my dreams.. my dreams evade me like the odd man out of an inside joke. I haven't reached the point of zero recollection, and I doubt I would. But more often than not lately, instead of waking up either remembering a dream or remembering nothing at all, I wake up feeling like I was dreaming, almost doubtless in my mind, but there is nothing there to show for it. Sometimes my hair is twisted into such knots I've needed to buy an additional leave-in conditioner to unwind it. I even had to snip a tiny knotted piece one time, which is unthinkable to me, I am used to and skilled at standard detangling. Sometimes my heart is just pounding, and I would think if whatever was playing on my mind was that intense, surely I'd have some lingering awareness. But there is nothing but myself, confused and awake.
  • Current Music
    Echo and the g0ddamnedmotherfuckin' Bunnymen - Over the Wall