August 10th, 2002

(no subject)

I smell like grape leaves.

I'm sitting here playing with a poison ring my mom gave me last summer. It's old. "When mom was growing up" old. It's cheap and it's ugly. It's almost entirely blackened with age. And I'm thinking about the story she told me when she gave it to me, about how it used to belong to a college friend of hers, and how her friend used to keep her drugs in it. One day, high on coke, the girl thought she could fly and jumped out a window into an empty pool. When she gave it to me, I mocked her playfully about looting her dead junky friend's ring. "What did you do, climb down into the pool and chop her finger off?" We went back and forth, with her ending in the now slightly infamous (jokingly shouted) "I used to love you, but now I hate you."

What I didn't mock her about is the fact that she's used that same story about 4 or 5 times now. Each time for a different drug, a different situation. But for every drug that existed when she was growing up, there has been an attempting to fly into an empty pool story. I have no way of knowing if she ever did know someone who died that way, if she saw it on tv, if she just thought it would make a good warning story and made it up. In a way, it's funny. One of those things I joke about with certain friends.

In a way, it's very depressing.
  • Current Music
    I wish I made cures for the way people are.

(no subject)

When I was but a youngun, and not sure what to do with my life, I was talking with my Grandmom about my options. I told her the two main things that attracted me at that point were photography and cooking. In true G-Mom style, she told me that I should do both.. Become a chef, and a photographer, and take pictures of the food I cooked. Knowing my family like I do, and feeling the apathy as I might, I let the reality of "food" photography go by undisputed.


Today a combination of boredom, a craving for Sarma, and an eagerness to fool around with my digital cam has produced THIS masterpiece. When you see my name in a swanky gallery, don't forget you saw it all here first! If only she knew! She'd probably think I was actually being productive..
  • Current Music
    Hey, dolphin tastes quite good I bet

(no subject)

It's ever so slightly creepy when three fire trucks shoot down my street sirens ablazing, followed by a Mister Softie truck.
  • Current Music
    that icecream song
In Dreams

You still can't have my Bud

I am man enough to admit when I make the wrong decision. Logically, I am sure I should have gone to GenCon. It's quite easy to admit to after it's practically over, of course. I'm not saying definitively. Just that I know it's entirely possible, on some plane of existance, that I really "should have" gone. I am sure many people are going to agree with that theory. Last year in Milwaukee, various wicked-awesome oportunities, and on and on. But while I'm confessing this, and wondering that, and contemplating the other, I still stand by my decision/assumptions.

It's entirely possible I would have had amazing fun. Surely "last Gencon" vibe would have pulled it's share of the weight. NPCing in an amazing larp with people I damn near worship, might have been a tad cool, I confess.

Maybe I'm a coward.

That's a possibility I won't deny.

Maybe I should be taking more risks.

I remember a feeling.. 2 or 3 seconds of pure confusion. Awkard uneasiness. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of. Chaos. Change. Forfeiture. Nothingness. Rinse and repeat.

What does this have to do with a gaming convention?

Listen very closely.. you'll hear the sound carried on a thousand winds.
  • Current Music
    The Cure - Disintigration