October 26th, 2001

(no subject)

I had this long discussion with Sensitive Artist the other day about my plans to move out of here and into some sweet little bachlorette pad. He was asking don't I wanna stay living with Brothx0r still, since we get along pretty good on the roomate scale, even better considering we're family. I kept trying to explain that everything I do, everywhere I go, he's there. He's friends with all my friends, so when I go out, he's often with us. He's already friends with all the other people I'm likely to come in actual contact with, so in that department, I'm one step down the totem pole already. "E's Sister" isn't my favourite introduction. When I make plans with people who know both of us, they say "Hey bring your brother!", and I say "Are you on fucking crack? No." Unless he says, "Oh, you're going out with so-and-so? Mind if I come?" in which case I say "Sure." Then I can't talk remotely privately because not only is he family, so my average amount of uneasyness about touchy subjects comes into play, but he has huge family-induced freak-out levels, so even borderline non-private stuff can't be touched. Then there's that little thing known as my life. That thing I'm supposed to be living every day. That thing that I have to curb or hide in the other room or talk low on the phone or close windows on the comp, etc etc etc because there is no such thing as a moment alone. The house is quiet, the walls are thin, I am going fucking nuts. So anyway, after this discussion, we agree to go out. S.A. says he wants to go drinking, but we're not sure, he's gonna pick me up. When he gets here, him and Brothx0r start talking, the 3 of us end up going to a diner together, then watching a movie here, and the whole time all I can think about is that I wish I just said "Fuckit you guys go without me." when I could. Irritating. Maddening. After the movie ended I put on my red pj's, grabbed Totoro, and slunk into bed all emotional and spinny.

The next night all the gamers came over and Blackjack spent the night in the kitchen (where this comp is) playing some game, but pretty much right behind me. kk thx no privacy. I wanted to scream.
  • Current Music