the Ether Bunny (ninjalicious) wrote,
the Ether Bunny

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It started out innocently enough, with toys. Alongside the other McFarlane figures meetzemonsta and I noticed The Tooth Fairy. We wondered if it was based on something, or a just for the hell of it kinda thing. It always seemed to be nestled firmly in the classic monsters, lending to the presumption that it was a concept piece not connected to actual media. Months go by, nothing happens. Then a month or so ago I saw a preview for this movie, Darkness Falls. In the shots, this version of the Tooth Fairy was unmistakable. (Not to mention it had none of the repetitive ring of the current "Don't put him in the dark!" ads.) I immediately messaged Ms. Monsta with the announcement that we would be going to see this movie, and why. Hell, we'd seen this thing floating around for so long, it had become an imperative to see it in context. Some time between my announcement and the release last night, she read a rather disappointing article in Fangoria about the fluffy-bunnyizing of the character, that it had been altered from the original art. "Oh no", I insisted, "I saw it in the preview.. it looked pretty much the same." Maybe it was something minor, I told myself. At this point, of course I knew the movie itself was going to blow goats. I'd seen the current line of commercials with the inane spooked child angle, the repeating ad nauseum of "Don't go in the dark", and expected nothing more than to see the Tooth Fairy.


Somewhere between the onset of production and the finalization, someone thought it'd be a good idea to slap a billowing black robe and a white mask on the oooh booo scary character. What does this leave you with of the original design? Absolfuckinglutely nothing. Slap on a mask and slip on a robe, you now look exactly like the "horrific" Tooth Fairy. Hell, dress your dog like that and you now have Son of Tooth Fairy, too.

The movie itself, I don't think I've actually sat through anything so annoying. If you thought they repeated "Don't go in the dark!" a lot in the adverts only because of the condensed factor, you're wrong. They repeat it just as often throughout the film. I'm not exaggerating. There are scenes where some char repeats that line over and over and over again, mumbles it under his breath, says it to everyone within earshot, and shouts it blindly around the room. Over and over again. Scene after scene. Are you annoyed yet just hearing about it? Imagine actually sitting through it. I'm not going to bother with the "I coulda told you so" factors of the depthless characters, inane dialogue, or bizarre continuity errors. The only saving grave was the length of the film, being just over an hour long.

I'm still not sure why I didn't walk out. Perhaps I was holding some shred of hope that during the denouement there would be some slight revealing of the char I came to see. Perhaps guilt over having dragged my friend and her beau to such a colossal waste.

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