the Ether Bunny (ninjalicious) wrote,
the Ether Bunny

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"That would depend on how you interpret "every single second of the day", I suppose."

I'm all twisted into knots. I had an awkward, unexpected encounter with Colin the other night. I got disoriented and logged off post-haste because part of me wants to bite, and part of me wants to roll over and expose my neck. I'm sure both are valid options. He has this way of trying to ninja me up that makes me want to scream "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?" Then part of me gets all guilt-twingy/sympathetic and I kind of understand, but I'm tired of wondering. He asks me stuff without asking me, and I answer without answering, and every time I wonder if that means I'm an actual person again in his eyes, not just a screenname. Then nothing happens, and part of me feels bitter that he "asks" at all, and part of me feels lame for not "answering", and I can't help but wonder if the reason nothing happens is because I'm so evasive. But that doesn't prevent me from bristling whenever it happens. I don't want to talk to him at all right now. Things are too tense, and too close to confrontation, and "Hello" makes me cringe.

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